Yesterday, a girlfriend of mine called me after her boyfriend broke up with her.
Maybe it was the shrill scream that came from the phone or the way I couldn’t understand anything she was saying except for “shubububa heart broken,” but I couldn’t help but notice that she was more than a little despondent.
Me: Are you going to be ok?
Her: Bubabua hubba not really!!!!
Me: Hmm, is there anything I can say to make you feel better?
Her: Tell me I’ll get over it!
Me: Well, you will get over it. Maybe not today and maybe not even for a few months, but you will.
Her: Yes, I will! And by the time he sees me again I’ll have forgotten about him and he’ll realize what a horrible mistake he’s made!
Me: He may. He may not.
Her: What?!?
Me: (reading off the piece of paper where I’ve written a little speech I usually give in these situations) Well, honestly, I’ve said the same thing as you are saying right now. And you know that’s something people need to say when they feel really bad about a situation. But, when I really look inside myself, I know that’s not really the case. I think people make decisions and they don’t really regret them. They may rewrite history a bit in order to come to terms with the way they’ve acted, but they seldom really regret these things. You need to go, you know, through one of those fuzzy periods of self-reflection in order to examine what really went wrong and what you did to contribute to the situation. That’s the only way you are going to create a positive improvement in your life from this situation. At least that’s what Oprah tells me.
Her: Sigh. What am I supposed to do? Sit in a room with candles and meditate or something?
Me: Well, I’ve tried that, but for reasons involving my cat’s whiskers, I shy away from candle meditation at this point in time. I would say just think about it when you want to, read some books, examine how you really feel.
Her: Wait! But didn’t you tell me the other day that you regretted a guy you dated and dumped?
Me: (matter-of-factly) You’re really stuck on this ‘regret’ thing aren’t you? Yes, I had a boyfriend once who was really good to me and I didn’t appreciate it and yes I do feel very badly about that. (jokingly) In fact, sometimes even Oprah can’t help me.
Her: (triumphantly) See?
Me: (through clenched teeth) Well, if this is the only thing that will make you feel better, I’ll tell you this…I can bitch and complain all I want about men and what they’ve done to me. But at the end of the day, when you look at the situation at least you can say “Well, it was him.” It’s a whole other kettle of worms when you know it’s your fault. And yeah, I’m an asshole too. We’re all assholes sometimes.
