I wrote this in an email (this was before myspace, kids) to one of my friends in 2003:
So, according to People magazine Talan from everyone’s favorite shallow pit of hell, Laguna Beach, is now engaged to marry everyone’s favorite nobody daughter of used-to-be-somebody Rod Stewart, Kimberly. The only claim to fame that I recall Miss K having is that she called Jen Aniston ugly last summer. Funny, I don’t really think anybody with Rod Stewart’s genetic code floating around in their DNA should be calling anybody else an Uggmo.
Anyway, the article in People goes on to say that Talan speaks highly of Kim, telling one of his friends: “I like hanging out with her. She is fun.” Unfortunately, he does not himself possess the capacity to highly speak. I, for one, hope to someday spend the rest of my natural life with someone who I really like to “hang” with and who I think is f-u-n.
It also says that Talan excels at volleyball, football, and surfing. Also, he has a new record that he is working on. Perhaps the lyrics to one of his songs will be about Kim: “Oh Kim/you are fun and phat/but not obese/because I wouldn’t like that/Oh Kim.” Or perhaps, he will just burp the alphabet for three minutes in 12 different tones to compile a 12 song album dedicated to his 2006 Pontiac SUV.
This is why I love Capitalism: Only the strongest, most capable individuals can make it in our rogue individualism, cut-throat society.
Oh wait.
