Five things Women (who are into you) Never Want to Hear

1. I’m not really that into you, but I really like your friend.

2.  I love you like a sister.

3.  God, she’s (as in over there, not you, hon)  hot.

4. My ex-girlfriend was so cool.

5. You remind me so much of my mom.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Love

Hope I don’t gag on all my fucking joy.

What are you thinking?

I really can’t handle being asked this question. And I really don’t like asking it either. For one, I don’t care what someone else is thinking at any random moment. For two, I think some things should be left private.  For instance, if I happen to be thinking, “Gee, I really need some new underwear,” well, I don’t feel the  need to share that with someone and I don’t think I should have to in order to get “closer” to them.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Is also a question I was always under the impression “chicks” asked, and since I don’t ask it, I didn’t think I’d ever have to deal with esoteric thinking in my relationships. But that’s not true, Modern Americans.  Dudes ask it.  And now I need to have some kind of pool of “thoughts” that I can pull from in order to appease certain males in my life.

Perhaps these will work: I am thinking about….

How fantastic you are.

The state of American foreign policy.

How much I like your hair.

Holiday weight gain.

Carol Channing(??????)

Sylvia Plath’s head in a stove.

Turkey Dinner.

The fact that you never take me out to dinner.

The fact that I never take you out to dinner.

Meet the Press.

Hmmm…maybe I’m pregnant.

See. You don’t want to know what us chicks are thinking about. So don’t ask. K?

And in a land far far away she became a happy, well-adjusted person

Well, I hope that everyone understands the pressure I’m under to make this site interesting now that I am dating someone.

Unfortunately, I can’t think of anything interesting at this point in time.

But fear not!

I would like to start gathering YOUR bad first date stories (again, as last time I did this I only received one)….

Josh.  I’m looking at you. I know you’ve got one involving a not so smooth pretend phone call and a coffee shop.

I better get it soon……….

I have a boyfriend

Which is why I haven’t been writing for a while.  I supposed happiness doesn’t breed creativity. Whatever. We’ll see how this goes.